Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Losing Weight

Since April, I've given away roughly 40 books to my budding literature students and another 50 to a book collection fundraiser for a student's trip to Kenya.  I have donated a full large garbage bag full (about 30 lbs.) of gently-used but too small clothes to a charity collection for women and children who had been victims of sex trafficking.  My husband and I recycled a TV, remote, scanner/printer, and old VCR at Best Buy.  We took an almost* full set of hand-me-down dishes to Goodwill.  And I finally went through my filing cabinets and folders that I started filling at the beginning of grad school and teaching jobs, and out to the trash went more large bags of evidence of six years of academic blood, sweat, and tears clutter, not counting the reams of one-side-used paper we kept to recycle for unimportant print jobs.

I'm definitely losing weight, one day and one cleaning task at a time.  It might not be the weight around my mid-section or my thighs, but it is weight that has been emotionally and spatially heavy in my life for too long.  This summer, I'm all about losing.  Only when I've lost the excess will I be able to find myself.

What kind of weight do you need to lose?

*I let my dear husband keep a mug from the set, which has bass fish painted all over it, handed down from my husband's brother who received the dishes as a gift from his ex-girlfried from a decade ago.  Need I say more?  You're welcome, Goodwill.


MamaErin said...

TOYS! My kids have more than their fair share of toys that have taken over every spare inch of my small house. I set aside some favorites to give to my brother and sister in law for my very first niece or nephew due in Feb (YAY!!!... but it's still being kept hush on Facebook), some of the bigger ticket items are being posted on Craigslist, and the rest are boxed up for a yard sale I'm having in two weeks. For some reason I'm still baffled at, any time I move toys around the house or put them in a different spot, they are suddenly the coolest.thing.ever to my kids. I got out the box of infant toys yesterday and my 3 1/2 year old and 17 month old had a ball playing with them for nearly two hours. TWO HOURS of rattles, squeaky toys and musical bears. Kids never cease to amaze me.

Rita Meggers said...

I concur with MamaErin above. At 25, I love to find my old toys and play with them a while before I give them away...or in my case throw them in the trash for convenience.

Well, I am carefully rebuilding my career after being homeless in March-April of this year (couple of really bad financial decisions made in February). I still make quite a bit of money, but it's not quite what it was in my glory days. Anyway, I am now warmly, awesomely, comfortably settled, with a steady income and steady physical attention, and that has given rise to losing some of the demons from my past.

When you no longer have to stress out about anything and are in a place of safety and assurance, that is when you are most able to deal with problems from the past.

I've been dealing with my past disease, how I grew up with that and shaped myself, my abusive birth mother, and various holes which I have had to learn how to fill myself.

I tell you: learning some habits as an adult instead of as a child is really hard. One of my biggest problems is the fact that my mom used a spirit of fear to eke out good habits in her children. When the fear is gone, the habits do not remain.

I'm also having to work out my past dealings with men. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy all of my past encounters and in no way regret them. I wanted the experience (not sexually) and the variety and the numbers of men. I liked all that. However, that experience also meant that I never learned how to be satisfied with just one.

So a lot of what I'm losing lately is the narcissism involved with thinking that no man is good enough to be my boyfriend. Even if I find one I consider to be my equal, that kind of habitual thinking would be highly destructive to a real relationship.