listies

I have finally compiled my read-a-thon list, which is so exciting that I think I might have to do a little dance before typing any more...

*long pause*

Allllrighty then. Back to business!

My read-a-thon list is quite awesome. Starting at 5 a.m. on Saturday morning, I will be reading...

"Non-negotiable…" selections

Much Ado about Nothing by William Shakespeare—for my Shakespeare class

Antony and Cleopatra by William Shakespeare—for my Shakespeare class

The Devil's Dominion: Magic and Religion in Early New England by Richard Godbeer—for my American History course (I'll probably add this to my non-fiction five challenge list)

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie—for the Intro to Lit course that I teach. My students start discussing this book on Tuesday…

Henry V by William Shakespeare—for my big ‘ole paper due in a month (blah)

The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins—I have to write a paper on this novel before school is out to finish my incomplete in my last nineteenth-cent. British lit course. I should re-read it or at least get a good chunk re-read this weekend.

Just for me, but still academic-y.

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne—because it’s soooo good.

Hard Times by Charles Dickens—for my Classics Challenge J

Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens—because Dickens is my homeboy

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen—because I’m the only one (and by “one” I mean mushy book-crazy girl) I know who hasn’t read it.

For fun, for ME!!!

All Cooked Up Elvis Cookbook—to make the read-a-thon hip shakin’ good (for Non-fiction five challenge)

Being Perfect by Anna Quindlen

The Messenger by Lois Lowry

Dr. Dredd’s Wagon of Wonders by Bill Brittain

Does my list make you happy too? Enough to dance?

Here's another list. It's things I've done in the past 24 hours. Lots of numbers.

I have...

1. graded 39 essays, 4-7 pages each
2. slept 2 hours
3. taught 2 classes
4. caused 2 students to cry
5. written about 15 emails for the transdisciplinary Text course
6. received my big Amazon box in the mail with 7 new books!
7. danced 1 happy dance
8. spent about 1 hour w/ hubby
9. eaten 1/2 of an enchilada that I brought home from El Ranchero a few nights ago. YUM.
10. compiled my weekend's read-a-thon list
11. danced 1 more happy dance
12. made a list on my blog with 12 items

And the answer is "yes" if you have asked, "is she going nuts?"

Marathon

24 hour read-a-thon? Of course I've heard of it...it's called every day in grad school!

But in all seriousness...

I've been playing around with the idea of joining the 24 hour reading marathon on April 18-19th. What do y'all think? I know I definitely have plenty to keep me occupied. The question is, can I stay awake the whole time??

The cool thing about the marathon is that you can use it to work on other reading challenges (again, in the real world it's called "homework"!). I would just need to make sure that I get all my grading done before the weekend. :) Would anyone want to join me? I think it sounds like fun.

Of course, I am a big nerd and admit this in public venues. But books are awesome, and I like making lists and then crossing things off. It may be a sickness. More details later.

Because it helps to talk about it

Since December, I've been having a racing heart. I don't know how to describe it other than feeling like my heart is beating out of control--like I've been surprised or scared, except it hasn't slowed down. This happened a few times while I lived in Lubbock, and it seemed very worrisome to me at the time, but it would go away after 5 or 6 hours each time. This time, it hasn't gone away.

So, I went to the doctor and had my blood pressure checked out. Sure enough, I was right. My heart didn't just feel incredibly fast, it was incredibly fast. The average person's heart beats about 60-100 beats a minute, depending on what they are doing (it's sometimes much higher if they are exercising). Mine was monitored over the course of about an hour, and it was around 100 the whole time. A tiny bit lower, at one point. It's not too good, he said, if it never slows down. My average should be around 80, not 100. However, the dr. said it was not too out of range to get worried, so he didn't feel like he should rush me to a cardiologist. Instead, he did an EKG that measures the electrical activity of my heart, and my heartbeat looks normal. There were no extra beats or in-between activity that would make him worry.

They did other tests to check everything else out that could make my heart go crazy, but everything checked out normal. Everything except for my adrenaline levels, which were sky high. So, that's the culprit of my racing heart.

For some reason my body is pumping extra adrenaline because something is telling my brain that it needs it. The doctor said that I'm either scared by something or scaring myself, worrying constantly, or putting irrational and unhealthy pressure on myself. OR, my brain is tricking itself into thinking these things. OR, any combination of these things are causing "fight or flight" signals in the brain which speed the production of adrenaline...

There were so many possibilities, but I'm guessing it's a combination of school/job/ worry, not enough sleep, and a million irrational stressors attacking my brain and body. Whatever it is, it is putting my body in sprint mode for marathon lengths. One 10-second little worry (like merging onto the freeway, for example) will set my body into making enough adrenaline for days. That, in turn, causes an anxiety attack and leaves my head reeling, feeling panicky, worried, and generally stressed out. Not the "I have a paper due" kind of stress. (Because I always have a paper due. I will always have a paper due.) It’s more like "the world's going to explode" kind of stress. Hence the crazy heartbeat for over two months now.

I don't know what set me off, but something happened to my body or brain in December to make me sick. The doctor thinks that therapy will calm me down, or at least give me a "safe place" to let out what goes through my brain that could potentially cause one of these anxiety attacks. My psychiatrist thinks that my illness has probably been a long time in the making, due to my “perfectionist, self-induced worry complex.” Hmmm…am I crazy? No, not at all. Just extremely over-worked, over-stressed, and under-rested. Nothing that a little graduating in two years with my Ph.D. won’t cure. In the meantime, I’m supposed to take deep breaths, relax, and keep telling myself, “it’s okay, you’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay” whenever I feel panic coming on. Surprisingly, it’s actually helping.

You know what else is helping? Prayer. Real prayer. Real worship. Time spent not thinking about anything else other than something omnipresent and omnipowerful. It’s amazing how healthy my heart feels when I envision my Lord holding it, protecting it, and calming it down. Calming me down. This might not make sense to everyone out there, but—dear reader—it makes sense to me.

full of heart

In my last blog, I hinted at some health problems that I have been having. Is it normal for a heart to race for weeks months on end with no relief? Well, it is beginning to feel normal for me even though this clearly is not a common problem. But before you start worrying, let me briefly explain that the EKG and a wide scope of blood tests all confirmed that my heart is fine. In fact, it's great. And ditto for my thyroid, kidneys, liver, etc. (On a slightly humorous note, the dr. said he'd never seen a 26-year old grad student with better cholesterol. Go me!) Unfortunately, even though my body parts are working fine, there is an abundance of adrenaline being produced which keeps me continually on edge, on alert. I can never relax or rest because my brain is receiving mixed signals from the excess of adrenaline, which makes me anxious (or worried or scared or irritated, you name it). If the condition doesn't improve on it's own, I have the option of taking medication, but I would only be treating symptoms unless the adrenaline production decreased.

So, what was the doctor's prescription? Therapy. I kind of chortle as I write it, but the way he explained it, it actually made sense.

I need an outlet for emotion and ideas since my brain is working over-time. Talking to a trained counselor might be exactly what I need to calm down and make some sense of the ways in which I often feel completely overwhelmed. I started "treatment" today, and I am looking forward to stepping out of my (wildly chaotic and, therefore, ironic) comfort zone more often.

...and everything yule in between

Scott and I had a wild time rushing home to Texas and back during Christmas. Our time there was short but much appreciated and much blessed, and we wish we could have stayed longer. The trip consisted of leaving a day and a half late because of schoolwork, not completing said schoolwork, getting 1/3 of the way there only to run into icy and blizzardy conditions between Kingman and Flagstaff, having to turn south and backtrack to Phoenix to I-10, finding out that we did the right thing because I-40 was closed and not opened until Christmas eve, driving around lost for half an hour trying to find our downtown Phoenix motel and then realizing it hadn't been our fault because we had been given the wrong address, staying in a freezing room with an old run-down heater that konked out about 5 minutes after we arrived, waking up after far too few hours of sleep to drive all the way through Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas to get home late on Christmas Eve-eve.

THEN finding out after hearing a horrible sound driving home from my sister's on Christmas day that the so-called "oil" in my oil reservoir was actually transmission fluid (thanks for that, mechanics who did the last oil change, we really appreciate finding this out AFTER driving 2000 miles in inclement weather, you could have been the death of us and my little trooper car, Priscilla Paige O'Dell-Strovas).

$$ later and a merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all, we said sad goodbyes to our families (the hardest for me was saying bye to my sister). We drove home (only having to break into one relative's house for a place to stay on the way home--btw, sorry about that). We made it back to California, obviously stopping at In-N-Out Burger on the way into town because we had been without it for two weeks, and then started an intensive French course one day later. TWO weeks, $500, and 30 in-class hours later, Scott and I had both passed our French reading exams after never having studied French in our lives until 2009. (we're awesome, did I mention?) I can't speak more than 10 phrases in French, but boy can I read it!

I started teaching again in the midst of French craziness, but we didn't start our own classes until this week. Technically, both of my classes were cancelled this week, so I don't start until next week. I am excited to start my third job soon. That's right, this semester I have taken on three jobs in addition to my own coursework and trying to pass another language exam (this time, it's Latin). I'm nervous but equally excited, and I'm ready for the challenge. So, if you see me in the next few weeks and wonder why school just started and I already look exhausted, crazy-eyed, on the verge of tears or insanity...it's okay. It's just me. C'est la vie. Hugs help. :)

I love my family!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

elf-esteem

KarenBeth is an elf: http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/HmQX3nKSkR SIftKBDsPv.

Just trust me and click the button. :D You'll laugh so hard you'll cry!

(I'd like to thank Jan, Stefani, Sharone, and Scott who graciously and unknowingly lended their mug shots to this fine work of art. I'd also like to thank my mother who didn't institutionalize me even when she knew I was a little crazy. Finally, I would like to thank the Academy...no, don't play the music, wait, wait, waaaaiiiii---)

God's love

I'm trying to pace myself with posting my students' funny sentences, but the truth is that they are just too good to keep to myself. The following are laugh-out-louds, head scratchers, or just plain bad:

"David also worked very closely with Robert Moffat, who arrived a few weeks after him. He had a daughter named Mary and they were deeply in love. They got married on January 2, 1945; they had four boys, and a daughter who died on the mission field due to sickness."

Okay, besides the correct use of a semi-colon here, there is not much about this sentence that is good! Of course the daughter died, if the diction is to be trusted! My student commited the unforgivable crime of creating an incestuous relationship for unsuspecting missionary workers!

"These feelings were all about to be reversed in an event that would change his lives."

Hmmm...just for the record, exactly how many lives does this man have?

"According to The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Augustine was raised in a Christian atmospheric home."

Well, if The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy says it, it must be true!

And my personal favorite...

"Anyone can come out of the deepest depths and God's love reaches every corner of every bottom."

Yes, indeed.

update

Only 47 more pages to go this semester!

Talk about a frantic intellectual workout...

My saving grace today is that Redfield is taking our Gothic/Romantic lit class out for beer and nachos while we talk about Dracula. I need little happy moments like that to keep me from going bonkers.

in response to Stefani's recent trunk trauma...

One of my friends recently walked from her work out to her car only to realize that she had left her trunk wide open while she had been inside. Luckily, her backpack, books, and everything else was still there waiting for her. I have a similar experience of embarrassment... About halfway through the semester, Scott and I were walking back to my car in the APU parking lot after I had taught my three-hour lit course. When we got to my car, my passenger side door was wide open. Apparently, I had gotten out of the car (Scott was driving) and gone back to get something out of the trunk, not closing the door yet because I was still getting organized. Well, I must have forgotten to close the door at all because it was still open when we got back more than three hours later. The inner dome light was on, exposing all of my belongings in my cluttered car to the world. I raced over to my car and checked everything. My stuff was still there. Everything in the car, the trunk, the glove compartment...nothing had been touched. Even my battery was still good though the light had been on all that time.

Little things like that make me want to thank and pray and praise and cry out to God for thanksgiving. But...it also makes one wonder why nobody shut the door (or Stefani's trunk for that matter), if they weren't going to steal anything! Hmmmm.

Anyway, that just goes to show how tired and frazzled we all are. Grad school is powerful enough to make one go CRAZY.