Spring "un"-break

Scott and I have had a busy Spring Break, especially since neither of us are actually taking a break. I'm still teaching at my other college that will have a later break, and we're both doing a ton of researching and writing for our semester projects and papers. Just once, I wish I could have a decent vacation. But, I am grateful for a week off of school and tutoring, and I just hope that I can get everything done in time to at least enjoy the weekend a tiny bit. I think I'm going to get a massage. :)

My research is really interesting right now. I'm working on reading a series of New England Puritan sermons from about 1650-1750. I'm tracing the metaphor of death as sleep through these sermons and trying to form some of my own conclusions about how the Puritan settlers' ideas of both death and sleep were changing as a result of these publications. There's a really fascinating dichotomy that I've found in the way they talk about the death of believers as a kind of sleep, while the death of the unholy was a restless prison. I am hoping that--eventually, and after much more research--I'll be able to make some connections between Puritan beliefs of death and sleep and my former Gothic lit arguments of sleep as a fragment of death. I would love to write my dissertation on sleep in British literature, and I'm glad I was able to find something in this American History seminar that at least tangentially relates to my interests. I only wish I didn't have to read my sleep sermons in Special Collections! They have so few hours, and it's impossible to get comfortable and settle in with a book.

On the other side of things, I'm working on a text edit of Shakespeare's Henry V, reading many books all at the same time, grading rather large stacks of essays, and trying to keep my many employers happy.

In my meager spare time (or as the Puritans would write, my meagere sparre Tyme), I'm thinking about how crazy this summer will be since we have two weddings in Texas to go to (be in?) and we are also taking a trip with my sister, her hubby, and their toddler to Tennessee and Georgia. I am soooo psyched for this trip! But, I can't think about it toooo much right now or else I won't want to do any work at all.

Love to the fam. <3 KB

heart

I don't have any time to calm down, but for my own health, I may have to eventually stop what I am doing and give myself some time to heal.

Scott finally convinced me to go to the health center here at school to talk over some of my most recent concerns, and when I think logically, I know he's right. I should go talk to a doctor. I should tell someone licensed in medicine what I have been feeling and noticing about my body. And--he says--"knowing is always better than not knowing." Well, maybe, but I am scared of knowing, even if it is better than the unknown.

So, all this to say that I did make an appointment for Friday, I will be talking to a doctor, and I will probably spend a considerable amount of money on inconclusive tests...but, at least I am taking a step toward knowing, which you know who says is always better. I worry and cry and get my husband's shirts soggy with my tears about health problems, and I guess he is taking a stand against sogginess from now on. Because he loves me.

I enjoy what I do, and I don't want to have to give any of my academic plans away. Let's just pray for some peace to come from the appointment, if nothing else in the form of answers.

today I am grateful for

• a patient, forgiving, and loving husband and the beautiful match we make


• the nutritious food on our plates, fresh fruit, warm bread


• books books books, in every room, under the beds, scattered on floors, piled on tables and nightstands, filling the car trunk, hiding under stacks of old mail, weighing down backpacks


• the jobs I have shown myself capable of handling, in any situation--good or bad


• the meager but well-deserved paychecks


• the talents God has given me, and the strength, wisdom, and courage to keep trying even when I am scared or don't know what my talents will ultimately be used for


• ...literacy.

...and everything yule in between

Scott and I had a wild time rushing home to Texas and back during Christmas. Our time there was short but much appreciated and much blessed, and we wish we could have stayed longer. The trip consisted of leaving a day and a half late because of schoolwork, not completing said schoolwork, getting 1/3 of the way there only to run into icy and blizzardy conditions between Kingman and Flagstaff, having to turn south and backtrack to Phoenix to I-10, finding out that we did the right thing because I-40 was closed and not opened until Christmas eve, driving around lost for half an hour trying to find our downtown Phoenix motel and then realizing it hadn't been our fault because we had been given the wrong address, staying in a freezing room with an old run-down heater that konked out about 5 minutes after we arrived, waking up after far too few hours of sleep to drive all the way through Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas to get home late on Christmas Eve-eve.

THEN finding out after hearing a horrible sound driving home from my sister's on Christmas day that the so-called "oil" in my oil reservoir was actually transmission fluid (thanks for that, mechanics who did the last oil change, we really appreciate finding this out AFTER driving 2000 miles in inclement weather, you could have been the death of us and my little trooper car, Priscilla Paige O'Dell-Strovas).

$$ later and a merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all, we said sad goodbyes to our families (the hardest for me was saying bye to my sister). We drove home (only having to break into one relative's house for a place to stay on the way home--btw, sorry about that). We made it back to California, obviously stopping at In-N-Out Burger on the way into town because we had been without it for two weeks, and then started an intensive French course one day later. TWO weeks, $500, and 30 in-class hours later, Scott and I had both passed our French reading exams after never having studied French in our lives until 2009. (we're awesome, did I mention?) I can't speak more than 10 phrases in French, but boy can I read it!

I started teaching again in the midst of French craziness, but we didn't start our own classes until this week. Technically, both of my classes were cancelled this week, so I don't start until next week. I am excited to start my third job soon. That's right, this semester I have taken on three jobs in addition to my own coursework and trying to pass another language exam (this time, it's Latin). I'm nervous but equally excited, and I'm ready for the challenge. So, if you see me in the next few weeks and wonder why school just started and I already look exhausted, crazy-eyed, on the verge of tears or insanity...it's okay. It's just me. C'est la vie. Hugs help. :)

tired

As I sit here at the library typing my seminar papers for this semester, I can’t help but wonder at how I made it this far without crashing and burning.

Simply, I’m tired.

I’m trying to hold down multiple jobs, all in this crazy sub-culture called academia, trying to complete three graduate seminars, and trying to be the perfect wife (which I’m slowing discovering is a fantasy). Because I’m torn—yanked, prodded, pulled, you get the picture—in so many directions, I’m not really doing any of them justice. I do not get to spend enough quality time with my husband. I do not keep a clean house. I do not have a perky get-up-and-face-the-day attitude in the mornings. I do not love my jobs as much as I appreciate having them.

No, unfortunately, our townhouse is a mess. This isn’t because Scott or I are particularly messy people, but because we are so busy that we are never home. And, when we are home, we are usually only there long enough to throw down our backpacks, books, and papers, change clothes, pick up another stack of books and papers, and run out the door again. When we finally collapse with each other at night, we have some amazing moments of solidarity and companionship. And then we sleep far too little before we have to get up and do it all over again. Ah, grad school.

Scott has been my rock for the past four years, and every part of me wants to make him proud. I never would have been emotionally stable enough for grad school without him standing behind me, reminding me of my strengths and cuteness. I want so badly to excel at my current jobs and graduate studies so that, once we (if we?) finally finish, I’ll be able to get a job that is both financially and emotionally satisfying. That way we’ll be able to appreciate each other more and appreciate all the work we’ve been killing ourselves for out here. We’ll be able to look back and know that these hard years of our Ph.D.s were 100% worth it, no regrets, no what ifs.

Here’s my grateful list for today:

• husband’s fuzzy pajama pants
• yummy cheese and cracker snacks
• other harried-looking students in the library, proving that I’m not alone in the world
• my CGU partners in crime, Jan, Stefani, and Sharone
• Holiday Blend coffee
• hair long enough to braid so that I don’t have to think of anything original to do with it
• free food in the library
• husband’s warm hugs after chastising me for wearing his fuzzy pajama pants
• books about hair, black hair, long hair, African American hair, literary hair, kinky hair, political hair, and Janie’s hair
• our nice apartment manager who keeps trying to give me free lemons
• the thought of sleep tonight, however short it may be

I’m almost halfway through one paper, with one more to go after this. Earlier this semester, Sharone and I turned in our 80-page Jazzwomen project, which was half our grade for our Jazz Transdisciplinary course. I’m glad I am finished with that class and only have to complete two more. Two more. Two more. Two more.

To be continued…

These snozberries taste like snozberries!

My husband is my main source of laughter, which is sweet, I know, but what I love the most is that the jokes have not gotten old. In fact, we laugh about the "same old stuff" more and more. I love that his belly button lint and my premarital pink socks continue to be sources of hilarity. And I love that he gets frustrated with the avocado every single time. I love that.

My students--on the other hand--crack me up in other ways. In spelling ways. Here are two examples of laugh-out-louds:

"Unhappy couples get caught in the viscous cycle of divorce."

"Many types of symbolism in Bram Stoker's Dracula are berried in the text."

You see, dear reader, I have a wonderful life. I have a job for which I am paid to laugh, cry, and grit my teeth right alongside the kiddoes (only they don't know why I'm doing it). And that's the best part.

Two households, both alike in Karen Beths

Two households, both alike in Karen Beths, in fair San Gabriel Valley where we lay our scene. Ahhh, if only Shakespeare was alive for that one! Moving is one of the hardest things about life. But even harder than moving is living out of two different residences while the moving is taking place! (Even harder than that? Planning for in-laws in town while the moving is taking place.) But...they actually ended up being a huge help to us.

Scott and I are finally moved all the way into the new place! We started looking about halfway through the summer because we needed more space and more privacy. The apartment we were in was in a great location and came at a reasonable price (if anything in SoCal can be called reasonably priced), but we didn't like the noise from upstairs neighbors, and we didn't like not being able to make our own noise as musicians...

We found the perfect place for us. It's a two-story townhouse in Glendora. We have two bedrooms, so one will be an office/studio for us to do schoolwork and practicing. The other will be our master bedroom. We have three bathrooms for some reason, we're still not sure why, but very excited about it. We have a garage, balconies, a patio, a bigger kitchen than the last place. All in all, as soon as we get more boxes unpacked, we'll be VERY happy and cozy in our brand new place. The best part about it? We don't share any walls! We live in a townhouse community, but our little place stands all on its own. We still rent, but it's progress!!



(note--hey, if you need our new address, just drop me a line by email)

I'm blessed to have a loving husband who only complained a leeeetle bit about carrying my many many many boxes of books up the stairs. In total, we probably had about 600 books to move from one place to another, and it was a huge chore. I don't feel too bad about it since at least 200 of them were his. Still, what a sweet hunk.

School has started again, which makes this whole moving/unpacking process even more stressful. However, I have so many things to be grateful for.

1. A fresh bunch of students with eagerness and expectations written all over their faces.
2. New books!
3. Getting back in touch with good friends.





4. Making new ones.
5. Carpooling with the hubby to school.
6. New classes=New challenges
7. New reasons to try my very hardest.
8. did I mention new books? :)

Catching up since the world won't slow down...

This has been a wild few weeks at the beginning of summer. Scott and I are trying to get back in shape, so we bought tennis rackets and have been playing tennis at a cute little park near the school. Scott’s Wilson racket is red and black, and “endorsed” by Roger Federer, according to the package. Mine is called the Wilson Hope Racket. Every time someone purchases a Wilson Hope racket (that has the pink ribbon symbol on it for breast cancer), Wilson makes a donation to The Breast Cancer Research Foundation. Since I have lost two precious family members to breast cancer, this meant the world to me. I was glad Scott picked this specific one out for me. I love it. It has a plum-colored floral design on the sides, and a soft, gray grip. I also bought some brand new tennis shoes (more on them later) that complete the look out there on the court. I’m not by any means a good player, but at least I am trying, and that’s half the battle. Maybe next year, for Wimbledon. It might be too late for me this time around. [insert wink here] Scott has been a sweet and patient coach for me (and he’s very handsome all at the same time). Most importantly, we’re doing something together, and we’re having a great time.

Of course, within the first two weeks out on the court, I hurt myself. That’s always how it goes in my life. Every time I try to get back in shape, I somehow hurt myself. It’s not bad—only a strained ankle—but that meant that I was unable to really get any exercise for about the past week while I’ve been letting it heal. I think Scott and I are going to get back out there tomorrow, though. It feels so good to be outside with the fresh air and the Claremont trees and the gentle breezes (as opposed to the dust and 50 mph gusts in the Texas panhandle). For the first time in a long time, I’ve gotten really sweaty doing something other than packing up trucks and moving across the country multiple times. And, boy, it feels good.

Pre-injury, Scott and I were going through a week of detox, which means that we put ourselves on a strict diet to try to repair our livers and get our bodies back in gear. No salt, no sugar, no carbohydrates, no caffeine, no alcohol, no fats except a tiny amount of olive oil on salad. This is a detox we’ve done in the past, and it definitely works for shedding the pounds and making us feel better. We only cheated a tiny bit, and I had lost about five pounds after eight days. I have gained back 2-3 of those pounds since we’ve been eating regular food again, but I think most of that is just the inability to exercise like I was before, since my ankle was in so much pain. So, here’s to shedding the pounds one at a time.

As I mentioned above, we have been wildly busy. We’re now officially 9-5ers, which means that our summer jobs completely bombard our schedules and our hopes of getting very much else done. But, as we just got our first paychecks yesterday, it turns out that we’ll be getting decent wages and good work experience, and we get to spend all day every day side by side at computers, poking each other and making innuendos the whole time. Now, it’s a redundant, exhausting job. Don’t get me wrong. But, I get to be with my husband all the time, and that will be the best part about my summer.

We went to the mall about a week ago to look for some tennis shoes and shorts for me, since we had a $10 off coupon for JCPenney for a father’s day sale, and we certainly had no intention of buying our dads clothes. Get this: we got me a pair of jeans, a pair of Capri pants, a pair of shorts, a pair of snazzy tennis shoes, and 2 pairs of jeans for Scott all for under a hundred dollars. And, I had a coupon! So, all in all, even though we spent money, we spent way less than one would have expected for all of our purchases. And now I have some cute shorts and Capris for summer. I love the shoes, too. They are New Balances, mostly white, with dark pink and silver trim. They make me feel sporty.

I have been reading a ton—every chance I get when I’m not at work or cooking or spending time with Scott. I am reading quite a few books right now, but almost done with several. Expect updates when I finish! I’ll tell you one thing, though. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos is now officially on my list of books I would want with me if I were stranded on a deserted island. I laughed out loud more times than I can count, and I LOVE books that are clever enough to make me laugh. I may not be a gold-digger like Lorelei Lee, but now I know how to bat an eye-lash or two when I need help with the dishes. The book is witty, satiric, and utterly entertaining. Two thumbs (and a strained ankle, you know, to help with the swelling) up.

I am going to be telling you about my upcoming reading challenge soon. I am still formulating my list, but for now I’ll just tell you that I signed up to read (at least) six classics for this challenge between July and December. No sweat for a doctoral student! Plus, one of my very best friends from my master’s program is the challenge maestra, so here’s to catching up with old friends through reading/blogging!

Okay, now I have to go check on Scott. He’s been shouting things at the TV for awhile now, but as far as I know, he’s only watching golf. [Just one of the many things I never experienced in the pre-matrimony days!]

Red, White, and Blue

It's been a while since I've written, so I wanted to let you all know that I have survived the spring semester and am joyfully starting summertime. I finished my Gothic papers (yes, there were two of them that I had to do. My major seminar paper plus a rewrite from a close reading that I wrote earlier in the semester). I turned them in at 4:59 last Thursday. :) Whew! I couldn't have done it without Scott's help. We were driving around in crazy flash floods trying to make it everywhere on time (including out to Azusa so that I could sign my new contract for the fall classes I'm teaching). I haven't received my Gothic grade yet, but I got my American Film Music grade and my Women in Love Film Adaptation grade--good news for both!

Once that was done, after a sufficient amount of recovery time, Scott and I started cleaning like maniacs to get our apartment back in shape. We moved all the furniture and swept and mopped. We clorox bleached every surface in the kitchen and bathroom. We unloaded tons of boxes and put them in our storage. We vacuumed our rugs, carpets, mats, couches, and chairs. We did about 6 loads of laundry, in addition to the 4 Scott had done earlier in the week. Four of those loads were sheets and towels, and now we feel very fresh again! We have our pictures up on the walls, and although we're still in the process with that, at least we have our engagement ones up the way we want them. The office and the bedroom and my desk area are still "iffy" as far as begin organized goes, but they are way better than before! We cleaned so much that we just wanted to collapse when we were done. So...

In the evenings we've been watching season 2 of 24. Now, I have never seen any of these shows on TV, so do NOT tell me anything. I don't want to know ANYTHING. We received season 1 as a gift from Christy and Nick for Christmas, and we watched that very quickly. I got season 2 for Scott for his birthday, and now that our papers are done, we can finally watch it. It's fun! There are parts of the show that are just awful, but everything with Jack makes up for it 200%.

Scott and I are also in a "let's try to get back in shape" mindset since we've gained weight this year. Graduate school is not rear-end friendly, so we're really going to try to do better about being more active. We bought fun new tennis rackets (mine is AWESOME, it's a women's racket with purply flowery designs, and Scott's is red and black...more about the rackets later). We're going to sign up for lessons and lose some of these doctoral pounds!! I am kind of nervous since I'm not very coordinated, but I've played "baby" tennis before. This is something I really want to do, though.

Speaking of doctoral pounds, we probably gained a few more over the last few days. We finally got Scott's grill put together, so we have been having tons of fun barbequing. We had Claire and Dave over for Memorial Day (GO USA!!), and the food was so yummy. We had cheddar wurst hot dogs, hamburgers, a big ole' fresh salad, chips and salsa, beers, margaritas, and...(drum roll please) my freshly made sour cream and berries pie! It tastes just like a cheese cake, and we topped it with a homemade blackberry/raspberry/strawberry/blueberry topping. Oh MAN. I am definitely getting my pie fix this month! We had a lot of fun with Claire and Dave. It's always so great to hang with them and spend some time together. We watched Stranger Than Fiction after dinner. By far, it's my favorite Will Ferrell movie. I loathe his stupid ones.

I got the postmodern syllabus for the class I'll be taking in the fall. I am really looking forward to some 20th century stuff. It's been too long! And as soon as I get my Gothic grade, I'll email Redfield for his syllabus, too. I don't want to bother him, since he probably hasn't even finished grading my stuff for this semester! Plus, I'm overwhelmed as it is. BOOKS!!!!!!!!!

Scott and I start our new jobs at the Digital Libraries tomorrow. We are so happy to be working together. It will be good job training and experience, plus we'll get to spend more time together and carpool--two awesome things--and we have heard that we'll be getting a large amount of hours. I have so many more things to talk about, since it's been awhile, but let me try to finish quickly.

Scott and I finished 101 Dalmations, and we're now reading The Wizard of Oz. On my own, I'm also reading George Eliot's Middlemarch (since Sharone convinced me to give it one more try), Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man, and Francis Burney's Evelina (for the paper I'm writing for my incomplete course--I need to get that done!). I am ALWAYS the kind of girl that has 10 books going at once, so this is actually a short list for me! Of course, it will get much longer very soon, now that I have the pomo syllabus. Eeeeshk.

I hope everyone had a wonderfully red, white, and blue day yesterday. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go relax on my last free day before I start my new job.

Gothic Paper, pg 17

Page 17 of my Gothic lit paper is really scary. That's where I am right now. Page 17. I think that the reason I've had so much trouble getting through it is the subject matter--not a fun one to talk about. I'm writing on the gothic trope of women who are attacked in their sleep or in their bedrooms, and these attacks come from anywhere from pirate ghosts to vampires or just plain rapacious men. It's a terrifying subject, but one that has surprisingly little academic criticism as of yet. Everyone talks about the sexual nature of the attacks, but not the "sleepy" nature of the attacks. These women are asleep for some reason, and I have to figure it out why the authors made this such a usable tool for evoking fear. It's my job (or, at least, I've made it my job until I get done writing this paper) to figure out all sorts of scary things. My theory is that the gothic women should have had more caffeine.

I'm trying to do it without looking over my shoulder too much. I get spooked. But Scott is here to protect me. And keep me awake.

Pie

Scott and I bought a french apple pie tonight because I've been complaining and craving and begging for pie for like a month. Just thought you might like to know that complaining and nagging really does work.

fizzle

My brain may fizzle if I stare at a computer screen any more than necessary today, so this will be a short one...

I missed my deadline for my Gothic paper, and my film one is also due Monday, so I have a LOT to do this weekend. I was promised a breakfast excursion by my loving husband last night, but I've been up for three hours and he is still asleep. :( To wake, or not to wake? That is my eternal question!

I am excited for all of my friends graduating this weekend. Congratulations! I still have at least three years to go before I'll be Doctor Karen Beth Strovas, Ph.D. [ enter big sigh here ]

Okay, back to my papers.

starting over

Well, hello there, it's me--KB. I've taken a lot of medicine, a LOT, over the past three days, so I'm very loopy at the moment. I'm also on my second roll of toilet paper (aka substitute Kleenex). About an hour ago, I started over on my Gothic paper. Started completely over. I was really sucking on the path that I was on, so I am taking a new angle. Same topic, new angle. I have a ton of good research done, and now I have a new plan to go with my new angle. So, as long as my angle doesn't screw me over, we should be okay.

Things that make me happy even though I'm deathly ill:
1. hyperbole
2. my new hot pink mini-teapot
3. husband rescuing me from the library at 3:30 in the morning when I wasn't strong enough to get home by myself

One down...

I turned in a huge paper yesterday, one of the longest I've ever written for something that wasn't intended to be an article or part of my thesis. My film music seminar professor required a 20-25 page 11 pt. font (how weird is that??) essay, and mine ended up being 31 pages. Whew! The amazing thing was that I typed about half of it within 24 hours of it being due. I am tiiiired. I can't believe it's over. That was one of the best classes I've ever taken at the graduate level. I really enjoyed it!!

I took last night to recover, of course.

Now it's full speed ahead for my next paper--one for my Gothic and Romantic Literature seminar. I think this one is supposed to be 20 pgs. I have a really good idea and it's been brewing and stewing in my brain for about a month now. Unfortunately, I haven't had time to do a lot of research because I've been working so hard on my Sunset Boulevard paper! But, I digress...I am looking forward to getting something coherent on paper, because it hasn't happened yet. However, I think I have a good idea, so we're just hanging on to that for dear life and seeing what comes from it.

We like to speak in first person plural today.

Scott interviewed for the same job I did a few weeks ago. It looks like he'll be hired there, too! We'll be working for the digital libraries office at CUC and trying to earn some money this summer instead of spending it. (Fingers crossed!) It was a blessing to find a job for both of us that is so close to where we live. (and pardon me for being a nerd, but I LOVE LIBRARIES.)

I am so exhausted that I might just cry a little today, but at least I've gotten some things done while pondering that which is Gothic.
1. washed a kitchen full of dishes that had accumulated for the past week while Scott and I wrote our film music papers
2. boiled potatoes and then made spicy/cheesy mashed potatoes for tonight's dinner
3. steamed some ground beef in our big fat steamer that we got for our wedding...again, for tonight's dinner (enchiladas)
4. cleaned kitchen
5. sorted some laundry (which was wishful thinking, because who knows when I'll have time to do laundry!)
6. juiced watermelon, pineapple, apple, grapefruit, and carrots for a healthy snack...thanks to my handy power juicer and the incessant fear that I should be eating more fresh stuff.
7. wrapped Scott's b-day presents for the big day tomorrow!!

I feel like I've spent a huge percentage of the day in my kitchen, but I guess not spending ANY time in the kitchen this past week evens things out. I need coffee now. And I need a brilliant idea to shoot through my mind so that I can write a masterful, original, breathtaking thesis sentence sometime tonight.

Puppy Love

We're accused of being mushy and too lovey-dovey in public, but I say who cares! I love my husband!

Over the past few weeks, Scott and I started reading to each other every night before we fall asleep, which is such an awesome little tradition that I hope we keep alive. Our first book is Dodie Smith's 101 Dalmations. Yeah, it's a kids book. Yeah, it's like a fifth grade reading level. But, honestly, who wants to read something difficult or philosophical or critical right before bed? We get enough of that during the day. Our nights deserve to be a little less complicated and a little more fun. So, we're going to be reading children's books to each other--books that either one or neither of us have read that should be in our repertoire as future (VERY future) parents. It's nice to fall asleep listening to each other's voices. Relaxing. Reassuring. Romantic.

The next book that I hope we can read is either Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, or perhaps The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I suppose Scott must have a vote...